Positronic Cat (Mark Balliet) (posicat) wrote,
Positronic Cat (Mark Balliet)

from Mark Balliet's Facebook

Recently I visited Mount Olympus - Wisconsin Dells and took advantage (or they took advantage of me) of their "All Inclusive" resort. Everything involving Mount Olympus (They abbreviate it MTO because that's the amount of effort they put into everything there) Saturday checking is 4pm, we're texted days in advance to come to their new checking facility which is about 3 miles from the main park. We checked in at about 5pm with a very nice person who spoke little English and seemed to be confused about the question "Which building are we in." as MTO owns everything north of the main street it seems. Finally realized we were in the same building as the check-in, 3 miles from the park. Get to our room, the "headboard" is painted on the wall, and the "furniture" is some kind of a shop class project made out of 2x4's (well made, but still...) There's a microwave, and a fridge, no tea, coffee, etc. It's a room I'd pay $25 for just to sleep in overnight on a long road trip, and is clearly a bargain at the just under $200 MTO charges. It's all inclusive I remind myself, despite not being anywhere near the park. The all inclusive food stops being served at 5pm as well, so we obviously missed it Saturday. However with a 4pm check in time, loading into the room, and then racing to the park miles away, I can't imagine many people actually make it to "dinner". We get to the indoor water park, which is open from 7pm till 10pm for "resort guests only" which as they own 1/2 the Dells is everyone who wasn't smart enough to go to Kalahari, Great Wolf or Noah's Ark. There's an activity pool for people to just float and swim in, and there's quite a lot of activity in the pool, apologizing to people you bump into, glaring at people who kick you, and generally trying to defend your 2x2ft spot in the pool, because everyone in the Dells is is there. We lasted maybe 25 minutes before going to the lazy river. Their lazy river is under 3ft deep, meaning an adult can't float in it without dragging some part of themselves along the rough bottom of the river. We went around once. We left had some awesome food at Bobbers, seriously, that place looks like a warehouse, and has some of the best food, go there, skip MTO. The next morning it was raining, yay, that meant less people at the park. We spent $60 to go ride the Ducks, a much better deal than MTO even when it rained on us sideways, and our phones announced a tornado watch. I might be biased, the rain and tornado actually made it better for me. Finally we go over to MTO around 2:30 to go swimming. I didn't mention above but their parking for the park is about 4 blocks away from the entrance to the water park (why not have a second entrance? Well MTO would have to spend money on more staff and barcode scanners, and clearly guest service isn't their gig) I drop people at the entrance, labeled "No drop offs" but who cares at this point honestly. Drive around some crazy maze of fences for god knows what reason, and park the car, before walking back to the entrance. Off to the wave pool, my old childhood friend, who I've swam in dozens of times when I was a kid and Family Land had yet to merge into MTO. They have a rope roping off the wave pool at around the 3ft depth ... WTF (really WTEGDSAYSF in my mind) is the point of a wave pool where I can't even sit my ass on the bottom and get my nose wet. The guard makes sure to scream at anyone who even dares to touch the precious rope. We swam for about 30 minutes. Tried their outdoor lazy river, it as well is 3ft deep, we go around once scraping along the bottom as we go. "Let's get food" words uttered with enthusiasm only once, never again. The all inclusive "food" was either an hour line to get pizza, or an hour line to get hot dogs and a side. Hot Dogs is is, we're allowed two of the precious meat sticks, and a generous side for each of potato chips, or coleslaw. Get the potato chips, the coleslaw was just cabbage, whatever they mixed it with was so thin that it had no taste at all. Which might be for the best since it was served from a large bowl floating in another bowl of what was probably once ice. Good times, fortunately I didn't get sick, probably because there was nothing in the coleslaw to go bad. Let's go check out the new wave pool, certainly it's been built better so that people can enjoy the deep end. Nope, it's walled off possibly even shallower, and there are specific no-no zones around which people are verboten to stand, but no actual signs to tell you that, just another lifeguard yelling at you. I got 2 waves and we left. At this point we're sick of the park, it's nearing 5pm and we want to get home not too late, so we get the car, and start off towards home. We got some great cheese on the way back, smoked Bleu, nom! So for $200, we got a $25 hotel room miles away from the "All Inclusive" park. "Exclusive" access to the indoor water park along with 50% of the rest of the people in the Dells. The next morning we spent more time in line than we did in the pools, waiting for the "All Inclusive" hot dogs and cabbage "meal". Quite the bargain. NEVER, EVER, EVER AGAIN. It was so bad I had dreams of going to other water parks the next night and finding out they'd roped off their wave pools as well and woke up yelling "Damnit!!" (true story!) I literally would have been better just getting a $50 hotel with a pool and just enjoying their pool, it would have been far more enjoyable. The Ducks and Bobbers were spot-on though, can't say enough about how much I enjoyed them.
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